Motherly love

Wow, it’s been 10 days since I posted. Not much has been going on. I believe this is a season of rest for me. There hasn’t been serious warfare and I’m enjoying every minute of it. I am enjoying work and I have had mental peace. This Saturday I’m getting married to the man God has given me & I’m so excited to be intimate with him. We are doing pre marriage counseling. The main family is going to be coming to the wedding as of now and afterwards we are going to have a mini celebration. The celebration is going to be at my fiancé’s families house and I’m sure that my mom and stepdad will not be coming to the afterwards celebration. They’re more reserved. Me and my mother in law have been getting more closer in relationship these past few months and it’s wonderful. She is showing me motherly love that with all respect, I never had with my mom. Of course, my mom loves me , but she doesn’t ever show it. For some reason by accepting this motherly love it feels like betrayal because I know that this is how my mom should love me. My biological father won’t be coming, simply because he never shows up to events. He has no excuses being that he has recently showed me his new car he had just purchased. I forgive my father. It may be quite embarrassing at the ceremony when only three family members of mine show up and half of Elys family shows up for him. At least I have my mom there to support as much as she tries. I have to understand. I’m just not use to close family and motherly love. It makes me very sad. I feel like an orphan being accepted into this home and into this family. My mother in law went with me to get a dress, to pick shoes, and now works with me. What is she trying to tell me? Is she doing this because she loves me? It is because in 2 days she will be my mother in law? Why is she showing me love? We have been through a lot to accept each other an now it’s like we’re best friends. I’m afraid to accept it but a part of me wants all of it while I can have it. I read in a book that you have to be open to people to hurt you because that’s what it means to love like Christ, unconditionally. God is trying to show me something about me and my mother in law. He is doing something and I’ve been listening to the devil for too long. I want our friendship to go far. Maybe, she’s only showing me love because I’m marrying her son? Or does she love me because I’m me… guess I won’t ever really know. But what I do know is that I love the love that I am being given. My father In law bought me my dress willingly. Today on our way back from work, my mother in law and I almost got into a accident. I was sitting in the front seat and She pulled her arm out to protect me. The fact that it was in her heart and in her mind to protect me made me feel loved. What is happening to me???? God bless guys, much love.

Partner in work?

Hello guys, how is everyone doing? My fiancé’s mom started to work with me in my new job. It is definitely going to be a different experience. This is my 3rd week of working there. I really love this job. The only thing about my fiancé’s mother working with me is that I will have lesser hours. I need more hours because I’ve only worked about 17 hours per week. I want more not less. Hopefully, God will make a way for me to have more hours that I think I need. This Friday I get my marriage license. Things are okay, I’m growing and getting better and that what I want and that where I need to be.

How it began 💍

Goodmorning everyone! So it’s official that in 2 weeks me and my fiancé will be officially married! Now, let me tell you a little bit about our relationship and how it all happened. I didn’t believe in Christ or serve Christ when I met my fiancé, by the way, his name is Ely. Christ was reaching out to me before I met Ely. Christ would come into my dreams. I saw Jesus on the cross being whipped on his arm that I was cutting on and he told me he died for me. I brushed it off, lacking the understanding. Time passed, and I was smoking marijuana. This time, this marijuana was laced with something. My spirit, I believe had left my body and was transferred in heaven. In heaven they all had conversations about what would happen to me. Jesus decided to let me live. As I entered my body, I shared with everyone that I saw Jesus. Of course, they laughed in my face. Time had passed again, and I met Ely on the Internet. I was so astonished by his beauty. We started talking for a few months and then became something more. The relationship started off ungodly. I was careless about his feelings and anything in my life. I was hopeless. I was emotionally unstable and was being tormented with evil thoughts. I was demon possessed. Ely has been through a lot and he deserves to have me as his wife. That man truly has seen it all and God confirms that he is the right man to be my husband. Yes, we are young. But not many people experience in their relationship as we have. He brought me to church and told me we couldn’t fornicate anymore. Which my unsaved nature at the time didn’t like. Time passes, and my heart breaks for the love of God. I want this love they’re singing about. I want to be forgiven of my wrongs. I want a better life. Glory be to God where I am today. I had a demon spirit in me and a pastor visited our church and he, with the power of the Holy Spirit set me free. I am grateful. We make 5 years in September. It’s time for a lifelong change. I’m excited to have children of our own in the future. Cheers to God grace and cheers to the things to come. Blessings!

Open your mind

Goodmorning everyone! My post have been off and on and I decided to post when I felt was truly necessary. I hope you are all still reading. Me and my fiancé will be getting married through the courts and later on have a much bigger wedding. As of now, we are doing marriage workbooks and soon counseling. I’ve been setting up my things here at my fiancé’s house. I want it to feel more like my room. Trust me, it looks way better. I feel the urgent need to intercede. I must be honest, I’m so overwhelmed at the reality of how people think in this time of age. People just follow the crowds shout without really discovering the reality of what is being shouted. In a time and age where good is evil and evil is good. That’s exactly what it is. Things are better at this house. I’m increasing in relationship with his family and we are growing. I need to learn to go with the flow of things and not try to control it all. There is only one in control and that is God. God the creator of the universe. The power that my God has and my God alone. Blessings on this day, keep your soul in one accord with Jesus. Praying and hoping to the better days to come.

At ease

Goodmorning guys! How are you this morning? Things are coming together! Me and my fiancé are going to be getting married, I’m going to move into my fiancé’s parents house with him, and I also just got a job with cleaning part-time! I’m so happy at what God is doing in me and through me, This is great. I waited so long for my life to come together and the process has been very difficult. Thank you all for your prayers for me and for sticking by when you read about how tough it was getting. I pray and hope for greater to come. I know that God has a mission for me at this cleaning Job. The man there is Gay and we did talk about God. He believes in God but he doesn’t believe being Gay is a sin. I know this is a gentle subject, but I will show this man the love of Christ but he must be aware of sin so that he can Truly have Jesus Christ. Bless you all & have a wonderful weekend!❤️

Humbled

Hello my lovely followers! Yesterday went well at the interview, I will be getting the job, which I’m very excited for! I will be starting off tonight at 5pm. There was only two people there in the business and they’re going to train me to clean in the one facility until I can save up enough money to travel with a vehicle to other spots. God is moving and I’m feeling great about it. My life has been stagnant and I’m considering moving in with my fiancé. I truly believe that it is the environment that is bringing things into order within me and my life. When I am home with my family, it’s like I’m stagnant more then I should be and like a wall is in front of me and my growth to adulthood. I am ready to grow, I trust you lord. I am 19 years old and I have a good feeling that this is my year to grow and to change into a woman. I’m tired of the weariness of repetition in my life that doesn’t satisfy me or help me in any way. I must thank God for what is happening and what will continue to work in my favor because God is for me so what can be against me? I’ve learned in this time of suffering what its like to not have. What it’s like to be what you could say, ‘homeless’. I know what it’s like to be looked down on for what you don’t have. I know what it’s like to see people move forward and not go with them. I know what it’s like to be the righteous man who was left in the back of the line. Like God says the last will be first and the first will be last. During this time period, I know that I am not what I own and that the things of this world are all meaningless. God has yet truly blessed me in deeper relationship and revelation with him in that time of struggling. I’m excited for this new adventure. But if things don’t grow I will praise him anyway. I want you to know that if you’re struggling to hold on. God wants to heal you and develop you in a more personal way. Trust him, and don’t set your eyes on that which this world gives but what God can give you. God bless you.

Burned out

Hello everyone! How are you all doing today? The beach was so nice, it was definitely good for me and Ely to have that time with each other. I got burned pretty bad, I have 2nd degree sun burnt blisters on my chin. My fiancé claims he didn’t see it happening. I was pretty mad and still kind of am, but I learn from it. Yes, I did put sunscreen on. The beach was filled with people. An incident happened at the beach with this young boy who buried himself too deep into the sand. The police and ambulance and fire department had to come take him out. It was very intense but I am glad he is okay. It was funny because this other believer on the beach began to shout HALLELUJAH!! As the boy was reported to the crowd that he is indeed fine and alive! Tonight I have an interview for this cleaning job, wish me well. I am not that nervous but again I am naturally. Tomorrow I go home to my moms and I am thinking of moving into my fiancé’s house. I will take a week or so to really think about this decision. Whether it is the best choice for me and my fiancé to do. Any advice on that would be very helpful for me. Have a blessed day guys and remember to remember who you are and make the most out of this crazy life. Remember who is an who always will be as we face the burdens of life. Blessings always!

Beach day

Good morning lovely’s! Today me and my fiancé are going to the beach. The week ended up being great. Yesterday night, I went to my great friends house and we spent the day together with her and her family. We played board games and talked about the condition of the world. I consider her family like mine, they’re just very open and welcoming towards me. I may get a job! I’m very excited, it’s a cleaning job. I have an interview Monday at 6pm. The lady who owns the business seemed unsure of whether or not to hire me because of my transportation issue. But I’m learning to trust God when I have and when I don’t have, that he is the one who gives and who takes away. I know that I need to make some changes in my life and in my perception of life itself. The Holy Spirit has truly convicted me of that yesterday in worship time. I know it’s going to take time to work in me before God can work outside of me. That our roots are being developed in the secret place of NOW. I’ve been thankful for the beauty of nature this past week. Who knew how relieving nature can be? I highly suggest it, other then things that are toxic that we people now use to cope with our problems. I need change. I need to be more grateful for what I have. I need to have faith for what I don’t see and what I am not in control of. God bless have a good day guys.

Beautiful transitions

Hello everyone! God bless! God has been helping me this week. This week has had a beautiful shifting in it. There has been more development in the relationships between me and my fiancé’s family. Yesterday afternoon, I went to the park with my fiancé’s family and it was great. I sat by the beautiful water and absorbed the counsel of the Holy Spirit. I felt the peace of God wrap around me. The Holy Spirit began to counsel me about the fact that it is time to no longer be afraid and to get married. The fear comes from all my what-ifs. There is an urgent conviction in my spirit that now is the time for CHANGE. Truthfully, I know that this man is for me because he has been apart of my journey of salvation. His mother the other day shared a dream she was given that Ely confessed to her that it is time to get married. I am going to have to chat with my pastors on the topic to figure something out. It going to be 5 years of us being boyfriend and girlfriend and 1 year of being fiancé’s. It’s time for a change. Pray that our pastors will be open to help us become one and pray that Gods will be done. Amen. Blessing and have a wonderful day!

Home sweet home

(Not real photo of mine)

Goodmorning Guys! How is everyone doing? I was battling these past day’s because after visiting Texas for a week, my mom doesn’t want me in her house for 2 weeks. You know, the place I live at. Mind you, she didn’t say anything about this before I left home to Texas. I have no choice but to stay at my fiancé’s house for another week. He has a little sister who is 4 years old and pretty much runs the house. She follows me everywhere I go, starting out very early in the morning. It is nearly driving me crazy. When I tell her no, she sticks her chin high and tells me that she said yes! As though she’s the boss. I really lose my patience here or let’s say my patience is very much being tested. My fiancé gets home at 4:30pm. That’s how long I have to go through this. It would be different if it was like 12pm. I have been begging my mom to let me come home. She won’t let me because of the virus outbreak. The only real time I get peace is going to the park near the house here for like 3 hours. That’s my plan later, or come have my brother take me somewhere. I feel so caged up here. Like I can’t do what I want or be myself in some aspects. I have been low these past days because of the stress of not having a stable job, constant thoughts of is this the man I am to get married too, and now the stress of being somewhere I don’t want to be. My fiancé wants me to move into his parents house once we get married. I don’t thing I am okay with that, seeing the glimpse I’ve been recently shown. Last night I did kind of mess up. I was listening to soft rock on the radio. Some oldies that I use to listen to back then. I was drawing and my fiancé’s little sister was there, and his mom heard the music and got upset at me. I was embarrassed because I didn’t all that consider it bad but then she questioned if I was okay and maybe even saved. I found it hypocritical that simple rock music in the house is a no-go but not her other son staying in his bedroom for 5 hours straight with a girlfriend, with the door closed, isn’t just as evil to the household? The only reason I opened my ear to the rock music was because truthfully I was depressed all day. My fiancé and I were in a huge disagreement all day, and I had all this mental stress on me. I knew it was wrong, but the judgment I received was even more wrong. As his mom grabbed the arm of her 4 year old daughter to move away from me, I felt like she was thinking I was evil or something. I don’t know how my life is going to get better but I hope it happens soon. I really have to trust God for a change. Keep me in prayer, I need it at this time. God bless.

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